the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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