I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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