Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
