So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
