Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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