ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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