i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
