I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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