I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
