I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
