Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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