There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i drank out of a bidet.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
