When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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