I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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