That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
