come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm really busy with my period
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