I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dear god my vagina.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
