so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
