Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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