Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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