i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My dick has a subreddit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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