At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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