i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
