There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
