So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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