My brain says no but my pants say off.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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