I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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