he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
