Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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