he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
