the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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