No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
