She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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