I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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