I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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