Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
