You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
