I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
