we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
