Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
