And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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