oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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