I want to have your abortion
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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