Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
