I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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