By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug