if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
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you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.