I can tuck mytits in my pants
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷