Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?