: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?