I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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