we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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