well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
