eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
