i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
