I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
