My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
