I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
