i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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