Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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