they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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