Joe is yelling at the trees again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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