i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
