he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
