Everything about him screamed your future.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
